BALANCING LIFE

By

Vicky DeCoster

There’s a wonderful quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson that I have hanging in my home office – “Always do what you are afraid to do.”  That quote is easy to read, but harder to follow.  It took me a long time to do what I was afraid to do, but last year I finally gathered enough courage to walk away from the corporate world where I had spent the last 20 years of my life.  I decided to pull my children out of day care and start a home-based business.  Very quietly, but with great inner joy, I recently celebrated the one-year anniversary of achieving my dream. 

Even as a small child, I used to set up a little store on the corner of my street, complete with a cash register and carefully priced items from my bedroom.  Although I never sold a thing, I never gave up.  Summer after summer, I’d sit on that corner for a week at a time, happy to be the one “in charge.”  When I was eight years old, I wrote my first book, “Sarah’s Life.”  Again, I happily sat in my room, writing line after line in my story, completing illustrations along with the text.  Now, when I reflect on these two memories, I realize that for years I tried to ignore my destiny.  When I started questioning my past choices, I kept asking myself, “what truly makes me happy?”  Each time I asked, I would come up with the same answers – to write and to spend more time with my children.  It was only when I began the second act of my life that I began to listen to my consistent answers.

The road to my home business was long and full of questions and fear.  How would we live on an income that literally had been cut in half?  How would my children entertain themselves without constant interaction with other children?  How would I entertain myself through the long winter?  Was this the best decision for me, as well as my entire family?  And the biggest question of all – what if I failed?

One spring day last year, I came home from work exasperated and in tears.  In a moment that took years to achieve, I made my decision.  I would resign from my job, give them three months notice, and begin my business at the same time.  At times, my feet were so cold I thought I had frostbite.  I tried to ignore my sweaty palms and began designing business cards, brochures and flyers.  My husband calmed me with words of support.  One evening as I was going downstairs to my office, a feeling overwhelmed me.  Everything was going to work out.  I trusted my intuition and from that point on, I never looked back. 

Over the past year, I have had the opportunity to attend kindergarten field trips with my son, story time at the library with my three-year old daughter, and slow walks around the neighborhood with my husband and children after dinner.  But along with joyful times, there have also been difficult moments. It is a formidable task to learn to live on an extremely tight budget.  It is challenging to carve out time in an already busy day to work. It is often more difficult to talk on the phone.  I’d be the first to admit that some days I feel pulled in ten different directions – the fax line is ringing, the washing machine timer is buzzing, and I have a crying three-year old hanging on my leg.  On those days, I’d give anything to dress up, go out to lunch and not have to cut anyone’s meat.

The biggest challenge for me personally has been to learn to slow down. I was an expert at running from one place to the next.  I’d work out on my lunch hour, drive over the speed limit to pick up my children from day care on time, and shop for groceries at night.  To be honest, I was exhausted, but too busy to notice.  I had forgotten how to sit down and relax. More importantly, I’d forgotten how to find the joy in the simple things.  And so, I began comparing.  Was it more important that I decorate my house with new furniture or to sit on the front porch and watch my children run through the sprinkler?  Was it more important that I buy a new car or be there after school when my children wanted to talk about their day?  Time after time, I chose my family over materialistic items.

My greatest joy has been watching my children and how they have responded to my decisions.  When I first began staying home, my son wanted to constantly shop for new toys.  I explained to him that we only had money now to buy toys for Christmas and his birthday.  At first he was mortified.  But after only a month or so, he stopped asking for new toys and found happiness in playing with his current toys.  Both children have had the opportunity to watch me work, and both have imitated me by typing on the keyboard, scribbling pretend notes in a notebook, and talking on the play phone.  I have had a chance to explain to them what a writer is and how I have achieved my goals.  Recently, my son told me he also wants to be a writer and wrote his first book, complete with illustrations.

I know better than anyone that working at home is not possible for every parent.  I feel extremely lucky that I am able to both live my dream and stay home with my children.  Less often now, I feel the pull of the corporate world, the security of a bi-monthly paycheck, and a quiet business lunch.  More often, I feel the pull of the backyard, where my children are swinging.  I take a break from my desk, go outside, and pick a swing.  I hang backwards, look at the blue sky and laugh out loud.  I am a kid again, with that book waiting to be written and my store on the corner. But for now, I’ll take a break and enjoy the simple things in life.